Sexy no Jutsu
by DarkQueenDraconite
Summary: Konohamaru accidentally opens a vial that changes all the sexes of all the characters in Naruto, as well as makes them super sexy. Pre-Chuunin Exams, and Sasuke and the Sand Sibs are thrown into the gender-madness...
1. Chapter 1

**Don't be deterred by the length! This prologue will explain some things and will tell me if anyone's interested in this story or not. This story is rated T for now, but may change to M later.  
**

**Disclaimer: Kishimoto's supposed "picture" is not part of Naruto, and is only a figment of my imagination. And I don't own Naruto. Now read on to understand what Kishimoto's picture is. **

_Prologue_

In Masashi Kishimoto's room (the creator of Naruto!), on the desk was a drawing of a small bottle. Not even a bottle—more like a vial, except it was banged up too much and looked too old to be a pretty glass vial. The End.

Not really. Now, let's switch over to the world of Naruto.

Konohamaru was going about his daily business one day, which entailed stalking Naruto, trying to surprise his grandpa, the Third Hokage, and calling Naruto's girlfriend ugly. As he hastily covered up himself with a sheet to camouflage himself into the fence as Naruto walked by, he accidentally trod on a small something.

As Naruto finally passed out of sight, he lowered the sheet and picked up the something that he had trodden on.

"Huh?" He stared at the bottle in confusion. In tiny print across it, it read "Sexy Sex Change: Widespread Edition. DO NOT OPEN."

Now, Konohamaru wasn't stupid. But he didn't exactly know what "widespread" meant. However, he did know that he hadn't quite mastered the Sexy no Jutsu yet, and that he really wanted to become a sexy girl to impress Boss.

So slowly, he uncorked the bottle, and a tiny wisp of gas came out. Konohamaru waited for a sign, for anything, that he'd become a girl. Nothing happened.

"Aw, shucks." He grumbled, dropping the bottle and cursing himself for wasting time and running after where Naruto had gone.

On the backside of the bottle, it read "Takes Effect in 12 Hours."

In the Hokage's Office, the old Sandaime rubbed the back of his head. "Why do I have a feeling something bad is going to happen…?" He wondered.

**Review, and I'll continue this story! How about three for now?  
**


	2. Team 7

**That was fast, reviewers! Thanks, Calarie, ASSASIN, I ain't sellin, and ThreesAndFives. Um, not sure what "K" meant as an anon review.**

**Disclaimer: This could be considered a sort of omake. But it's not, because I don't own Naruto.**

_Team 7_

1. Uzumaki Naruto didn't notice anything out of the ordinary as he woke up. Sure, he felt unusually tired, but that was probably because they'd just gotten back from the Land of Waves yesterday. Sleepily, he trudged to the bathroom, and got into the shower. The warm water was almost like another 10 minutes of sleep for him, and he scrubbed with his eyes closed.

Scrub, scrub. Shhh, shhh. Ah, the sound of scrubbing and water falling. Naruto didn't know why, but he was feeling unusually poetic today. As he ran his hands down his body, he had the vague, fuzzy, idea that something was off, but he didn't think more about it.

He turned off the shower and wrapped his bath towel around his waist. He eyed the comb by the sink, and felt an unusually powerful urge to comb his hair, which he never did. The only reason he kept the dumb thing anyway was because Iruka-sensei had given it to him.

_No,_ he told himself.

_Yes, _his inner voice whined.

Naruto wasn't in the mood to argue with Kyuubi or whoever it was in his mind, so he grabbed the comb, and started, well, combing. He also noticed that there was something wrong with his hair today. Why was it so soft? Why wasn't it spiking?

He decided not to ponder on this, and trudged out of the bathroom to get his clothes. He got on his knees to look on the floor and…

An empty space greeted him.

"What?" Naruto was understandably confused. After all, he had been sure he tossed his clothes on the floor last night. Groaning, he went back to the bathroom to satisfy his need to comb his hair again.

And that was when he noticed. He looked up at the mirror, and saw…

"The hell?" He shrieked in a high pitched voice, and the girl in the mirror shrieked as well.

He peered closer. It was a girl, that was for sure. It looked like him, or rather, a younger version of his Sexy no Jutsu. "Naruko?" He muttered (and now, he noticed his voice was very high).

The girl in the mirror spoke along with him.

"I didn't do my Sexy no Jutsu in my sleep, did I?" He was disturbed. Or had Kyuubi done something?

"And more importantly, where the hell are my clothes?" He dropped to the ground again, but nothing was there. He swore, and stomped in a very unladylike way, and noticed something…jiggling? He looked down.

"Whoa." He said stupidly, blood trickling down his nose as he stared intently at the appendages on his chest. "I never knew girls had nipples too."

2. It was a normal morning for Haruno Sakura. The sun was shining and the birds were singing. Yawning, she sat up and stretched. The Land of Waves had really been tiring, she reflected.

However, as she sat up, unlike her blond teammate, she quickly noticed something was wrong. _I feel…stronger. _She mused. She stepped out of bed to do her sacred Sakura morning ritual.

As she started brushing her teeth, she looked up to examine her hair problems in the mirror.

_Hey…he's actually kinda hot, _she thought to herself, giggling silently in her mind. _I wonder who that guy is? Haha—HOLY SHIT!_

She swiftly turned around, prepared to knock out the guy that had apparently snuck up behind her and make his face known in her mirror.

And then, Sakura seemed to realize that there couldn't have been a guy behind here anyway, because she had seen the guy's face in the mirror first.

She looked back to her mirror, becoming increasingly perplexed. "Someone must've played a prank on me…" she said out loud, fingering her short white hair with pink tints in it. Her/the guy's emerald green eyes peered back at her. Then she seemed to reach an epiphany.

"NARUTO!" She screamed. After all, she could always turn to him for blame if something wrong happened.

_Aho, aho! _A crow called in the far distance.

She turned around, fuming. If Naruto had turned her into a guy while she was _sleeping, _then she'd kill him! But if it was Sasuke-kun…she hesitated. It was sweet that he might come, but…

"I'LL KILL YOU, KAKASHI-SENSEI!" She shrieked. It wasn't possible that her Sasuke-kun had done this, but Kakashi-sensei…

"That pervy man." She grumbled, her mind set now on Kakashi-sensei.

She decided to ignore this situation for now, and step into the shower. Only to finally realize that there was _something_ sticking out of her private parts.

"AIYEEEEE!" She screamed, viewing her first sight of real male anatomy. Poor, corrupted, girl, er, guy.

"Sakura!" Sachi Haruno burst into the bathroom, looking alarmed. "What happened?"

"MOM!" Sakura shrieked, bursting out of the bathtub and into her mother's arms. "I-I-I got turned into a guy!"

Her mother didn't seem to say anything. Very slowly, she drew back, as if sickened by Sakura.

"Mom?" Sakura looked up at her, confused.

Very deliberately, her mother brought up her foot, and prodded the _thing_.

Sakura's manly screams could be heard all over Konoha.

After Sachi Haruno had repaired her eardrums, she was now surveying the girl turned boy. "Hmm…" she said to herself, watching Sakura roll on the floor. "I guess Saru won't have to worry about boys now."

3. It was eight o' clock precisely when Uchiha Sasuke woke up. Immediately, he felt different. He quickly probed the surroundings to see if there were any strange chakra signatures, and found none.

"Strange…" he muttered. There was something quite off, but he couldn't seem to place it.

Sasuke slid off his bed and went into his closet to find his blue shirt and white shorts.

He pulled out the blue shirt and when he slid it over his head (hey, some people liked to do their things wearing clothes you know, unlike Naruto or Sakura), it felt…tight.

He scowled. Since when had he grown fat? Resolving to buy a new blue shirt and having a tailor stitch the Uchiha Fan onto the back later, he reached into his closet once more, and pulled out his white—

Sasuke flung the abomination away from him as if it was diseased. Since when had his shorts become a skirt?

He stared at the ruffled _thing _with horror. It was simple enough, but why on Earth was it so short?

He tossed the thing back, and resumed digging through his closet with gusto. He noticed, rather irked, that his hair kept getting in his face, and though his bangs _were _long, he never knew they were this long.

"Damnit." He hissed. "Why am I so fat, why is my hair so long, and why the hell is a skirt in MY closet?"

No one answered him. Of course, he didn't expect anyone to, anyways. Everyone was dead.

He snorted. Finally, he found a spare pair of his shorts, and pulled it out eagerly. It might be slightly small, because he hadn't worn it in a long time, but—

"Why the hell is this a skirt too?" He shrieked in a very unSasukelike way. He stared in panic at the thing he was currently holding, and back to the skirt he had just tossed into his closet.

It seemed like there was no way out of it. He had to wear the _thing _before he found a pair of long pants or heaven help him, a pair of shorts, somewhere in the Uchiha Compound, because there was no way he was wearing Itachi's old things.

He curled his lip, and reluctantly put it on. It fluttered around his legs, and suddenly he felt very exposed. "Damn, I need leggings…" he said gloomily. He stepped into the bathroom, and froze as he saw his face in the mirror.

An undoubtedly feminine Uchiha Sasuke was looking back at him.

Slowly, he took the skirt off, and then his boxers.

He bent his head down, and…

"I'VE BEEN CASTRATED!" He screamed as he saw the loss of his family jewels. "I…can't revive my clan…."

Uchiha Sasuke started crying vigorously.

**A/N: "Aho, aho" from the crow means "Idiot, idiot". You may have noticed it from Naruto episode 101. **

**Also, the reason why their clothing is changed is because in order for the full "sexiness" to take effect, they need provocative clothing.  
**

**Review, and I'll continue! How about five now? **


	3. Mrs Hokage

**Thank you: Lady Sakura-Blossom, ThreesAndFives, storyteller1333, LoVe-WiLl-fInD-a-WaY, hiddenaurora! You're all awesome! *Hands over free cookies*. Mwahaha! You non-reviewers didn't know about the cookies, did you? If only you reviewed…**

**Disclaimer: No own Naruto. **

**Story Guide: Flashbacks are in Italics**

_**Part 1: Mrs. Hokage**_

The Sandaime woke up feeling exceptionally well. He stretched, and was pleased to find that none of his joints ached. Perhaps tussling with Konohamaru was a good thing after all…

He silently slipped out of bed to find his Hokage robes, not expecting anyone to be up at this hour.

"HOKAGE-SAMA!" Someone shrieked, pounding on his door. "WE HAVE A PROBLEM!"

The Hokage sighed with disbelief. Trouble? This early? He took a longing look at his pipe (nicotine obsession, much?) and his robes, but the woman (it sounded like) seemed to be intent on knocking down his door.

He opened it, and had to hastily wipe his nose on his hand. "Who are you?" He asked, looking the intruder over. She a bandage on her nose, was smoking hot, and seemed oddly familiar, somehow.

"I got changed into a freaking woman!" The woman raged. "Hokage-sama, Izumo has the same problem and we've been—"

"Kotetsu?" The Hokage gaped at the woman, who was outfitted in a sleek gray dress with a form-fitting Chuunin vest on top.

"Yes!" Kotetsu shouted, before blushing deeply. "I mean, yes, Hokage-sama! And Hokage-sama, I didn't know you had wear bunny pajamas to sleep!"

"That's beside the point," the Hokage interjected hastily. No one needed to know that little fact. "Now, if you would come in and describe your symptoms—"

He was cut off abruptly by a gaping Kotetsu.

"HOKAGE-SAMA!" The man-turned-woman nearly screamed. "You're a woman too!"

"EH?" The Hokage looked down swiftly, and blood suddenly poured out of his nostrils, which he attempted to block with a hand. "T-these are…"

"Breasts!" Kotetsu was only too happy to interject. "I wonder if everyone in the village has this problem? Izumo was going out of his mind because he got changed into the hottest babe ever…"

The Hokage stopped listening as he ran into his bathroom, and took a good look at himself. "I'm pretty good for an old woman," he said admiringly, looking at the attractive face (for an old lady) and curves.

"Hokage-sama?" Kotetsu was cautiously peeking around the corner. "What should we do?"

"You and Izumo go see if anyone else in an important position is affected by whatever jutsu has been put on us first. Get the Research Department and have them figure out how to counter this."

"Yes, sir!" Kotetsu quickly hurried off.

The Hokage was very happy for the time alone in his bathroom today.

All too soon, though, Kotetsu was back. "Hokage-sama!"

"Now what is it, Kotetsu?"

"Danzo-sama has been turned into a woman!"

This got the Hokage's attention. "Danzo, you say? What did he look like?"

Kotetsu looked slightly embarrassed. "I-I mistook him for Koharu-san at first…"

The Hokage tried not to choke. "So he wasn't made attractive?"

Kotetsu flushed. "I'm afraid not, sir."

"Has anyone else been changed?"

"No, sir. But the Research Department is coming to figure this out.

The Hokage sighed deeply. Wonderful. More paperwork to add to his already large pile. "Bring them in, then…"

_**Part 2: Hyuuga Compound**_

Neji Hyuuga reluctantly opened the door to the Hyuuga compound that day. Why? Because this was the most atrocious clothing he had ever been in!

He remembered the morning clearly, and he shuddered. What misfortune…his fate was gloomy, he was sure.

_He'd gotten up that morning at dawn, ready to do his daily meditation. Today, he would not have to attend Team Gai's painful training sessions, because he was on watch duty. A small smile graced his lips as he slid out of bed and into the bathroom._

_ His smile, however, quickly slipped as he saw his face. Though people had whispered behind his back that he was secretly a girl (his hair, no doubt), he had always prided his face as masculine. But somehow, even his face was rebelling…_

_ He pinched his cheeks disgustedly. An undoubtedly feminine, angular cat-like face was staring back at him. _

_ He went back to his room, happiness evaporated as he searched for his clothing. Much to his dismay, his practical white shirt and black shorts had vanished—all that was left was a white qipao (a traditional Chinese dress) in Hyuga style. Reluctantly, he put the atrocity on (too tight!) but he had to admit it hugged his curves like no tomorrow. Wait—curves?_

_ Neji was a smart boy, so he quickly realized with dawning horror that normally, he wouldn't have any curves, and that this was totally, totally, wrong. For one, where were his clothing? There was no way an intruder could've broken in last night—even Hiashi-sama wouldn't be able to without Neji waking up._

_ Without even looking, he realized what happened, and he cried as he bemoaned fate's cruelty._

_ After he had finished crying (yes, Neji Hyuga cried), he realized that he also couldn't borrow any clothing (Branch House Members could not borrow from anyone) and was stuck like this until he could get a decent piece of clothing. And so he had to go on guard duty while looking like a beautiful Chinese woman (though, of course, he didn't know about China). _

And now, here he was, with a gaping Chuunin who had blood steadily dripping down his face.

"Yes?" Neji snapped, not in a mood to be amiable (not that he ever was).

The Chuunin jerked back to attention. "I'm here to ask if anyone in the Hyuga Compound has suffered a gender-change. Hokage-sama says that this is a very urgent manner, and that all victims must meet him in his office at 6 PM."

Neji's eyes widened. "Tell him that at least one member of the Hyuga will be coming."

The Chuunin's eyes widened. "Y-you…"

"Yes." Neji said.

The Chuunin quickly flushed as he realized he had just checked out a guy. "My apologies. I'll leave straight away."

He quickly trotted off.

Neji watched him with a frown. "Akane." He said.

"Yes, Neji?" Akane was a sweet Branch-House girl who had a very weak Byakugan.

"Take over my post for a few minutes. I must speak with Hiashi-sama." He strode off, not even seeing if she had agreed or not.

She gaped after him.

Neji strode along purposely. He needed Hiashi-sama's permission, of course. He curled his lip. He would have to play the meek one for now.

On the way, his eyes narrowed as he saw an unfamiliar (though attractive) Hyuga male (judging by the white eyes).

"You!" He barked. "Who are you? I haven't seen you around."

The impostor (in Neji's eyes) looked absolutely terrified. "N-Neji-nii-san?"

There was only one person who called him that. His eyes widened.

"Hinata-sama?"

**Oho! And the drama continues! So has the Hokage found the cure, do you think?**

**Go, go, REVIEW! **


	4. This is all Konoha's Fault!

**I **am _such _a _**slacker**_. _**Honestly, **__what _**kind **of **person **_**updates **_**in**_** two **__months after _a four day update?

Arigato to Jaded Baby Blues, Azzura de Vinci, SilentStar-009, ByakuganHyuuga360, Ino Yamanaka-chan, LoVe-WiLl-fInD-a-WaY, and all the people who favorited and story alerted this! You guys were the reason I had the motivation to do this. By the way, hopefully SilentStar-009 will find the Kakashi segment at the end up to their tastes!

Chapter 4: This is all Konoha's Fault!

"Hey. Temari."

Temari groggily opened her eyes. The sun was barely peeking over the horizon. A blurry figure with spiky hair stood over her, and she waved him away sleepily. "Go away, Kankuro! You know I'll stab you with my fan if you try to wake me up again."

The person withdrew, and then Temari suddenly found herself lifted up, out of her warm covers, by—

"Sand?" She gasped, cursing. Did she just tell Gaara to—

"Now I see you're awake." He said dryly, depositing her roughly on the leafy ground.

Temari scrambled to her feet, eyes narrowing. Was Gaara planning to murder her? Casually, she reached behind her for her fan, and her fingers wound around the clasp. Good, though it probably wouldn't stand a chance against her brother.

"Relax. I'm not going to kill you." This was said with no emotion. She kept her eyes trained at the top of his head, determined not to meet his eyes.

Temari relaxed slightly, but her senses were still on high alert, and she tried not to shiver as the COLD Konoha wind breezed through her thin, golden-silk pajamas.

She lowered her eyes to Gaara's. "What is it?"

He hesitated. He hesitated!

Temari's mouth dropped.

Scowling slightly, her brother's fists clenched. "I need to ask you a question."

_Eh? Ask me? _Temari's head tilted to one side.

"Last night, I had a peculiar sensation."

Temari nodded cautiously.

"I felt rather strange, as if I was growing. Particularly around my chakra system and head."

"…" A sweatdrop went down Temari's neck. The chakra system was around the torso and abdomen. What in Suna was he talking about?

"I realized this morning that you had this same…affliction as I do, and I would like to know why I have it, and also why you had it."

"Huh? What affliction?" Temari asked, completely bewildered.

Gaara pointed silently at his hair.

Temari's mouth dropped again. How had she not noticed it? Coming out of Gaara's head were…

"Pigtails?" Temari squeaked, disbelieving. Then her eyes narrowed. "If this is your idea of a funny prank, Kankuro, it's not funny. If Gaara sees us—"

The sand rose around her and clamped to her feet.

_Oh shit. I forgot about the sand. That just proves he's Gaara. Stupid, stupid, why are you so stupid today? _

"I am not Kankuro. How degrading."

"B-but, then…" Temari then realized with a start that her brother's voice was higher than usual. "How come your hair is…"

"And yours is shorter today. So your disease is gone, including the lump that was on your chest. I now have it."

Temari's eyes narrowed as she realized that her brother was nonchalantly dismissing her gender as a disease. And then she was attacked by an insane desire to laugh. "What do you mean, my chest is gone? It's right here…"

She looked down confidently, and suddenly broke into a coughing fit as she realized—

"What happened to my-?"

"Exactly. And also, now that I think about it, our voices have changed. Yours is lower. Mine is higher."

Temari gaped at him. It was true—she had attributed the hoarseness to the morning, but Gaara—

"Are you saying that Kankuro switched our genders?" She positively snarled. A vein pulsing on her head, she pushed the entrance aside from Kankuro's and Baki's tent. "OI! WAKE UP!"

A series of clangs and yelps of pain were heard after that.

"What is the meaning of this, Temari?" A feminine Baki's voice yelled.

"AH! BAKI! Cover up!" Temari's voice had suddenly become embarrassed. "No, Kankuro, don't look at her—agh, him! No, Kankuro, your chest—COVER UP, will you?"

She emerged, face red and her hands over her—ahem, his, lower area—and ducked into her tent.

Gaara stared after his sister—er, brother. Then he stared down at the things bouncing slightly on his chest. "Boing!" He said quietly as he teleported himself away.

Miles away, Kakashi swore at the top of his voice as his dogs slobbered all over him and attempted to mate. "This is all Konoha's fault!" He screeched, attempting to put a shirt on. "This is all because they canceled the Icha-Icha movie!"


	5. LongAwaited Meeting

Just looking at the reviews makes me feel guilty…thank you all for being so supportive! On the bright side, at least it's not a two month delay again…nope, only one! Huge thanks to AReader47, sharinganeye272, SilentStar-009, DemosJones, MaliceDoll, and Aki666!

Disclaimer: Dearie, you'll have to be delusional to think this poor girl owns Naruto.

Misc: From now on, I'll be referring to the characters as their turned-genders. Please tell me how it works out. Also, please note that flashbacks are in italics.

To SilentStar-009: This whole chapter is Kakashi's perspective .

Chapter 5: Long-Awaited Meeting

It was sundown. The normally quiet and peaceful Hokage's office was crammed full of people. Tensions were high, and no one was speaking to one another—seeing friends and comrades turned to members of the opposite sex was rather disturbing, especially if you were lovers with that person. It might be kind of kinky, though, some people thought. Cough, Anko, Cough.

Kakashi, her mask absent and both eyes closed—being raped by vicious women turned men who recognized her didn't seem particularly high on her list of ways to spend the day—cough, Anko, cough—hung back, hands in her pockets. Being a woman was particularly strange. She didn't _feel_ much different than before, and referring to herself as feminine was just outright weird, rather than disgusting. The only thing she really lamented was her muscular decomposition. Really, some god out there really hated her. She had worked for _years _to obtain that muscle!

Up front was Naruto, who was blindly chattering away to the now turned female Hokage, gesticulating wildly with her hands. Kakashi eyed Naruto out of the corner of her normal eye. Sometimes, she really suspected if Jiraiya had modeled Miyakawa, the vivacious, bubbly, stunning girl from Icha-Icha, after his own student, Minato. Now that Naruto had turned into a petite, deep cerulean-eyed girl with long blonde tresses, she could really see the resemblance between Naruto and Miyakawa. _You pervert, _Kakashi thought wryly. Kushina would've murdered the old toad sage with a spatula had she known.

Kakashi looked around casually through half-lids—she wondered if anyone else was here that she knew. Senbon-chewing Genma was here, Izumo, Kotetsu, Hayate, a couple of ANBU members,-good lord, could that be Sakura?—, Gai (oh horrors! Gai was still wearing the spandex! Admittedly, the spandex looked much sexier on this female form), Gai's team, Asuma, Kurenai, Shikaku, Inoichi, Chouza (she looked so much like her wife now, Kakashi thought, sniggering), Ibiki (was that Ibiki? Ibiki couldn't _possibly _be attractive, could he?), Anko (Kakashi edged away slowly), two Hyuugas from their white eyes, the Inukazas, and were those people members of the Sand? Her eyes narrowed slightly (even more than their half-closed state). What was this, a worldwide epidemic? Her lip curled up in a smirk. Well, looked like almost everyone of importance was here. But where was Sasuke?

The girl in question was lying/spying on the roof of the Hokage Office, preferring to be gloomy and alone even in this gender.

"Ahem." The old Hokage pushed Naruto away gently as she stepped up to the podium. Kakashi chuckled as he saw the telltale brown specks near the Hokage's nose, indicating a massive nosebleed sometime before.

"Greetings, shinobi of Konoha…and shinobi of the Sand." The Hokage looked at the sand shinobi piercingly.

The spiky-haired vicious-looking blonde narrowed his eyes slightly to the surrounding, uneasy, ninja. The innocent-looking redhead with bags around her eyes simply stared right ahead. Kakashi could sense something malevolent inside the girl…she resolved to keep an eye on her. The other, curvaceous—almost like someone from the Inuzaka Clan—brunette simply smirked dangerously and twirled a finger around the rope connecting her to her puppet. The older, scarred, woman simply bowed slightly.

"As I'm sure you're all aware, a very unfortunate mishap has happened to certain shinobi on the lands of Konoha...right now, we have almost everyone afflicted within this room, with a few exceptions. I have sent out a letter to the Raikage, Kazekage, Mizukage, and the Tsuchikage, to ask if anyone else has this peculiar…ahem, gender change."

A snicker was heard around the room as everyone, albeit the Sand, realized that the Hokage was trying to omit any potentially naughty words for the sake of Konohamaru and his friends.

"As of now, we regrettably have no cure." Did Kakashi just hear a sigh of relief?

Then groaning ensued. "Being a woman sucks!" Naruto's voice echoed above all the others. "I don't want to _bleed _my whole life!"

"We'll all have to suffer this," the Hokage said kindly. "Our Research Department is working hard on fixing this at the moment."

"Easy for you to say," Naruto muttered. "You're probably past menopause."

How the boy knew that when he didn't even have a proper sex education, Kakashi didn't know (Iruka had, in frustration that he had succumbed to the Sexy no Jutsu, ranted to Kakashi about Naruto's naked transformations lacking nipples apparently because they weren't seen in the racy magazines Naruto liked).

The Hokage turned scarlet and dropped her pipe. Opting to ignore Naruto, she glared at the people causing the ruckus, and the room quickly quieted again.

"For now, we must make do with what we have. Crisis worse than this has struck before—all we will have to do is to get used to our bodies, and just buy some new equipment."

_You didn't mention if we'll be gays or lesbians our whole lives, _Kakashi thought wryly. Yes, that would certainly be a problem.

Apparently, other older ninja had shared the same thought, as they looked uneasily around at each other. Asuma, in particular, seemed unsatisfied.

"As for the upcoming Chuunin Exam, a few of our candidates have also been afflicted, but it will still go on. The senseis of the genin should come talk with me immediately after this meeting concludes. Now, I think I've covered all that I can. I realize that most of you will be disappointed by this news, but for the time being, stay strong, and buy yourself the necessary hygienics and equipment." The Hokage stared pointedly at the newly-made women, who twiddled their fingers and whistled.

"Meeting concluded!"

The shinobi reluctantly strolled out of the office, conferring with each other quietly. Kakashi fell into step besides Genma. The senbon-chewing woman now had waist-length straight hair, and humorous eyes.

"What do you think?" Kakashi asked quietly.

"Kakashi, you got pretty lucky, I'd say," Genma winked saucily. "You look even better than I do."

Kakashi sighed. "Well, you obviously seem happy that you've switched genders."

Genma's face immediately turned serious. "No, just trying to make the best out of it. Being a girl's gonna suck. No more wolf-whistling or getting laid at pubs."

Kakashi snorted. "Just like you to say that."

The two walked in silence, each in their own world.

"Er, Genma?"

The woman looked over in askance.

"How…do you use a tampon?"

Oh, Kakashi…I suppose you never got a full sex ed. After all you were already Jounin at 13…

Do review, please!


	6. The Issue of Dressing

A VERY late Christmas/New Years treat, but everyone's wonderful reviews have guilted me into writing this! There's been a family situation lately, so I really apologize for the late update.

A HUGE THANKS TO: Kakarot Son, jazmyn, 1WiththeButterfly, Buffy-CrazyAboutAngel (that had me laughing xD), Altair, Piffsheep, SilentStar-009, sharinganeye272, MaliceDoll (I felt the malice…sorry!), ByakuganHyuuga360, Shadow Phoenix 16 (um?), adngo714 (thanks so much! LOL), DemosJones, tH3cUrZedVAMPIRE, raw666 (you seriously have me thinking there), and Inuyonas (what WOULD happen?).

Disclaimer: Honestly, has there ever been any crack-ish stuff in Shippuden lately?

**Chapter 6: The Issue of Dressing**

"You can't be serious."

Haruno Sakura stared down Uzumaki Naruto, an incredulous expression on his newly transgendered face. They were on the bridge to meet Kakashi-sensei, and Sasuke was unusually absent.

"You're not training in that, are you?"

The blonde girl shrugged. "Why not?"

Sakura uttered a howl that could've matched the Kiba of old. "YOU'RE WEARING FOX EARS in your headband! AND A TAIL on your skirt! Are you telling me that you've never heard of the word "pervert"?"

"Yeah, well, it's not my fault!" Naruto put a placating hand on Sakura's shoulder. "My closet completely changed overnight, and I haven't had the time to shop!"

"There's _always _time for shopping!" Sakura moaned. "A proper ninja doesn't…doesn't wear a black miniskirt!"

Naruto sighed. Was it just her or was Sakura a bit…irksome today? Sakura didn't seem to be like a guy at all. He was a downright embarrassment for guys, with the bleached-looking pink hair and form-fitting clothes. A bishonen, really.

"Sakura, I'm wearing leggings." He lifted one edge of the skirt to show her.

The boy promptly fainted, blood oozing from his nose.

_ Whoa. So even sex-changed guys still have normal reactions?_ Naruto's mouth curved up in a feral, diabolical smile as she realized the benefits of the sex change.

Sasuke Uchiha walked up the path to the bridge, fuming. The meeting yesterday by the Hokage did not offer a solution to the sex change at all. In order to produce heirs, she would have to marry a man from another clan or not from a clan at all. As a woman, she could not be named "Uchiha" if she planned to have children. _Damn it._

"Hey! Sasuke!"

Sasuke's head snapped up, and so did the long black hair. She couldn't bring herself to cut it yesterday. She didn't know why.

"What is it?" She positively snarled at her blonde, also sex-changed teammate. The only now male of the group was lying on the ground, blood trickling from his nose, apparently out cold.

Sasuke was more worried about Naruto, however. The innocent-looking idiot had better not go into a pub. Even Sasuke couldn't help her then.

"What's with your clothes? The Sasuke Uchiha of old wouldn't wear a _blouse_." The idiot was still as annoying as ever as she grinned.

The Uchiha turned scarlet. She'd sent all but one of the tight blouses to the tailor, feeling rather horrible as she did (and by all rights, she should've been happy), with instructions to stitch the Uchiha sign on the back and to make them bigger. She'd also placed an order for a shipment of white shorts. Still, that didn't solve the problem of Sasuke not having any decent clothing to wear at the moment. Somehow, all the clothing from the Uchiha compound had mysteriously vanished.

"You shouldn't be talking." Sasuke ground out. "You're the one dressing like a…"

Naruto turned red, and tried to punch Sasuke, which she blocked with ease. At least some things never changed. "I'M TELLING YOU, IT'S NOT MY FAULT!"

"I agree."

The two Genin spun around (Sakura was still out cold), and saw a female Kakashi, looking worn-out. There was a disheveled appearance about her, and her clothing seemed to have been thrown on in a hurry.

Sasuke and Naruto didn't notice any of this, because their gazes were glued to their sensei's face.

"YOUR MASK IS OFF!" Naruto screeched, hopping up and down.

Sasuke's mouth hung wide open as she tried to comprehend this.

"Shh!" Kakashi looked around furtively. The Jonin jacket clung to a black shirt, and leggings were wrapped firmly around the lean, but shapely legs. "I don't want any attention by having my mask on. Plus, the clothes I'm wearing…like Naruto, and you too, Sasuke, I didn't exactly have a choice in my clothing."

"B-b-but y-y-you're a-a-actually…" Naruto sputtered.

"Oh, to hell with it." The woman snapped. Sasuke noticed that she seemed to be walking rather awkwardly, and that she kept wincing and clutching her stomach. "I'm actually attractive? I already know."

"Wait, how did you know I was going to say that?" Naruto demanded.

Kakashi sat down heavily. "You don't want to know. _Trust me_."

Mystified, the other two sat down as well. Sakura stirred. "W-how…"

Once he saw the gray haired woman, he screamed, "KAKASHI-SENSEI!", then promptly fainted again.

Kakashi sighed. "You can inform him when he wakes up. Just so you know, the Chuunin Exams are going to start in a week. You don't have to participate, only if you want to. Oh, and Iruka was supposed to test you rookies before the exam, but due to these complications, she forgot…"

She sighed. _God, I still don't get tampons. And damn, did the women get strong. _"So, all you need to do is to get used to your new body, buy some more equipment, and fit in your bodies, and we'll call you ready for the exam. Got it?"

The two girls nodded.

"Well, I'll be off. Got to get Genma to help me with tam—"

Swearing, she took off with a 'poof'.

Naruto shrugged at Sasuke. Sasuke shrugged back. "Whatever. Let's go train for the exams."

They flew over the tree tops, intending to start training, forgetting about the boy slumped in a dead faint on the bridge.

Curiously enough, the training ground they were heading to was occupied. Occupied by none other than Sabaku no Gaara, Sabaku no Temari, and Sabaku no Kankuro.

Please review!


	7. Meet the Sand Siblings

**Uh...yeah, I didn't die. Unfortunately, my writing ability has not improved one notch though...**

***gets shredded by thousands of kunai***

**I'M SORRY! I completely lost my flair for fanfiction. Cause I kind of stopped watching anime and reading fanfiction worthy books...yeah. But if any of my old readers/reviewers are still reading this, then kudos to you. Most of you will probably be new readers though. So yeah, welcome to my long overdue story...**

**Special thanks to: darkendrence, Coco, Negima Uzumaki, Just one randomgirl, The Girl Born From Dolls, Aki666, Altair, librarycat9, DemosJones, adngo714, 1WiththeButterfly, ByakuganHyuuga360, and Kakarot Son. Love you all!**

**Anyways, this is a bit of a filler chapter...next time we'll be covering some people we haven't seen yet ;).**

_Chapter 7: Meet the Sand Siblings_

Naruto and Sasuke had scarcely walked into their beloved training field when Naruto was immediately sexually harassed.

Definitely not an auspicious start of training.

"Oh heyyyyy, cutie..." A girl in black purred at Naruto. This girl, too, had ears and a tail, although they were black. Unlike Naruto, whose ears and tail said "LOOK AT THIS CUTENESS", this girl's was obviously supposed to be seductive. In a dark way.

The blonde girl immediately went rigid, suppressing a shiver. Her ears and tail unconsciously flicked backward.

"You're such a damn pervert," grunted a guy with formidable spiky hair. "It seems like nothing's changed, Kankuro."

These people seemed familiar, but Sasuke just couldn't put a finger on who they were. "Uh, no offense," said Sasuke cautiously. "But, who the hell are you?"

The spiky haired guy just sighed. "Hey, Gaara, tell me not _all _ninjas of Konoha are this stupid. Right?"

Whoever "Gaara" was (that redhead girl?), she didn't reply.

"See the headband here?" The spiky-haired guy continued, apparently satisfied that Gaara hadn't uttered a single word. "We're ninjas of the _Sand_. Here for the Chuunin Exams, but unfortunately for Kankuro, he-she's suffered a bit."

"A he-she?" Naruto finally spoke, sounding excited. "I've heard of them, but I haven't actually met one!"

"No, kitty-cat," Kankuro snarled, a vein ticking in her head. "Pretty as you may be, intelligence isn't one of your dominant traits, as I can see. Temari meant..." she fell silent, and glared down at her gigantic boobs.

"I meant," the guy named Temari went on, "You girls probably have heard of that unfortunate widespread sex change in Konoha, right?"

Sasuke and Naruto nodded slowly.

"Yeah...so it happened to us too. No loss for me though." He smiled in a feral kind of way.

Naruto gulped. "So...you used to be a girl?" He couldn't imagine a girl this fierce. He thought Sakura was kind of fierce, but then she turned out to be bishonen. This guy, though, was ripped.

Naruto and Sasuke both shuddered at the thought of this guy being a girl. He was so...well, such a quintessial badass guy that even if they met this "Temari" in girl-form, they were pretty sure they'd get beat up.

It also meant that little redhead with mascara was once a guy.

Sasuke sank on a log, all this too much to comprehend. "Ughh..." she moaned.

"Wanna do that when I'm banging you?" Kankuro smirked.

Temari raised a reflexive hand, as if to hit her-then paused. He reluctantly lowered his hand, looking pained. "Damn, now that you're a girl, I can't hit you anymore." He said, looking bummed.

"Come on." The redhead, Gaara, had apparently grown wary of this exchange. "You spend too much time fooling around, Temari, Kankurou. We should go."

"Yeah, of course," said Temari uneasily, looking deferentially at Gaara.

"Alright," Kankurou grunted, obviously not pleased. "See you chickies later..."

"Yeah, Chuunin Exam," Naruto chirped.

Kankurou froze. "The two of you are competing?" She threw back her head and laughed, the hood slipping off her hair. "None of you have a chance, and I'm pretty sure the blondie is gonna get kicked out within the first five minutes. No offense..."

She stopped when the redhead's pale hand appeared on her shoulder. "I can sense a presence," the little girl said in a vindictive way. "A presence in one of them...neither of them are weak, Kankurou, I wouldn't be so brash..."

A tense silence filled the air.

Naruto stiffened. How did the girl know about Kyuubi? Sasuke, too, looked troubled...but then again, she always looked like that.

"Well..." Temari said, looking to break the silence. He was, after all, the only guy among four girls. "We'll be going, runts. See you." And with his huge fan, he walked away. Gaara held her finger to his lips and seemed to evaporate into the air as a pile of sand. Kankurou nimbly leapt away, from tree to tree.

Unfortunately, this anticlimatic moment was ruined when Sakura stumbled into the field, shouting, "What did I miss?"

"..." thought Sasuke.

"Sakura-kun," Naruto said seriously, "You kind of just missed the hotshots from the Sand."

"...Oh," Sakura said dumbly. "Well, I was unconscious if you haven't noticed..." he glared at the two girls.

"Ickle Sakura turned on by girls," said Konohamaru, who had appeared out of nowhere.

"What the hell, apprentice?" Naruto grumbled, though she was smiling. "You gotta leave, man-I mean, girl. We're all training for the _Chuunin Exams_." Forgetting she was a girl, she thrust out her chest proudly-the boobs jiggled.

Sakura wiped his nose very surreptitiously as he gulped.

"Aw man!" Konohamaru said. "Guess we gotta go, then, Udon, Moegi..."

His two friends also appeared out of nowhere. "Aww..." they said in unison.

"Yeah." Konohamaru sighed, glaring at Naruto. "But whatever. We gotta work on our Sexy Jutsus now that our bodies are changed, anyways."

The three poofed away.

"How annoying," sighed Sasuke. "I'll be training in that corner."

She pointed.

"No, you're training with me!" Naruto yelped, looking stung. "At times like these, we have to help each other out, you know!"

Sasuke gave a disparaging snort. As she turned to walk away, Naruto angrily threw a kunai at her back.

Sasuke leapt up into the air to dodge it-unfortunately clearly revealing white panties to her teammates below.

"Holy-" said Naruto and Sakura in unison as they gazed at the acres of pale, smooth leg. Then a fountain of blood erupted from each's noses and the two, blown backward by the force of the eruption, fainted.

Sasuke snorted, but then a rare, diabolical smile made its way to her as she realized the benefits of this...

**Review. Review for moar motivation. You know you can do it.**


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